The past few weeks have really made me start thinking..
So, I use to have the best stuffed animal EVER, he was a trooper...he stayed around for almost two years! I was so in love with it and when I lost the stuffed animal, I was devastated.. I can honestly say that I have never felt so low.. I gave everything I had to this stuffed animal..
But now, after 5 months of contemplating nights, long talks with my girls, and making myself realize I can do better (and that I definitely deserve better) I am over that stuffed animal. The relationship between that stuffed animal and I taught me a lot and I'm glad it happened so I can do things more "right" the next time around.
So I've talked to many stuffed animals in the past 5 months and of course I have not opened up quickly, I am not ready at all, but apparently I am the problem because every single one of the stuffed animals have gave me the boot! Which I have not had a big problem with because that means none of them were the right stuffed animal anyways.. But it has shot down my moral..
That is why, today, and yesterday, and the day before...okay, the past couple of weeks, I have watched myself very closely with this new teddy bear I have found.. (Did you notice I've changed from stuffed animal to teddy bear? That is because there is something very different about him..)
All I know is that he is such an amazing different that I am scared to mess something up..
So I need help... I don't want to make myself completely vulnerable to this teddy bear, but I'm scared the guard I have up may push him away.. Even though the teddy bear understands the situation.
I even feel quite silly blogging about my new teddy bear..but I think that may mean he is special.. When we first started talking I had no idea he would become so important to me, even just as a friend teddy bear..
I wish everything could stay the way it is right now between us..