Tuesday, July 24, 2012

A Hard Goodbye....

...well I am about to delete someone that has been very special to me outta my life...but before I do... I just wanted to show everyone that I know we really did love eachother at one time..and even though I can't really realize how that love just stops for someone... I still can't doubt that I know at one point Tyler Luckett did love me...
December 6, 2011
Whitney Brooke Bowman
I know this is totally creepy..lol.. But I'm really impatient and didn't want to wait for you to come get a pizza again before I get to tell you we are getting Pepsi in January.. (:
..
December 7, 2011
Tyler Luckett
Haha that's good to know. I appreciate u telling me that lol.
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December 7, 2011
Whitney Brooke Bowman
Yeah, I just thought you would like to know..lol
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December 7, 2011
Tyler Luckett
Haha so what made u look me up?
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December 7, 2011
Whitney Brooke Bowman
Actually..I didn't.. my manager did for me.. She encouraged me to talk to you. ha
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December 7, 2011
Tyler Luckett
Haha well that's cool. Ur manager sounds smart u should listen to her more often
..
December 7, 2011
Whitney Brooke Bowman
haha.. She said next time you get pizza I have to check you out..lol. So I guess I will listen to her.
..
December 7, 2011
Tyler Luckett
Hahaha is that right. Lol, how old are u anyways?
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December 7, 2011
Whitney Brooke Bowman
18..ha
you?
too young.....ha
..
December 7, 2011
Tyler Luckett
I'm 20, but I'm going back into work, 502-507-1017 there's my number text me sometime
Ha no
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December 7, 2011
Whitney Brooke Bowman
alright(:
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January 12
Tyler Luckett
real mature deleting me meanie... now i have to redo our aniversary and stuff when you add me back
..
February 1
Tyler Luckett
i get on here every once in a while and read our first messages and wonder what it would be like if you didnt message me.... i am prolly the happiest person alive nowdays; thanx to you... my something special
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February 1
Whitney Brooke Bowman
I love you so much. You mean everything to me..
..
February 6
Tyler Luckett
baby i dont know what i did/didnt do but honestly i cant think of a single thing i havent done or anything else i could possibly have done to mess what we have up.... this love is a sure thing forsure, i want you more and more everytime i see you. i love you with all my heart. so whatever i did/didnt do i hope it doesnt come between us because if i lost you i really dont know where i would be. your everything to me.... and im not just saying that. you came into my life and took my heart quicker than anyone/thing has ever done before. ur my best friend, lover, (hopefully) soon to be fiance. i cant describe the feelings i have for you and i cant describe how shitty and how scared i am right now, just becasue your upset. call me crazy but i know in your arms is where im supposed to be. please just let me know whats going on, i deserve that much atleast.

So yes, I am now admitting... Tyler did care about me... a lot. way more than I have felt anyone care about me before. I ruined it. And I will hate part of myself forever because I didn't realize that me saying that he didn't care was really hurting him until it was too late to fix. I have given everything I have to get what I want...and I know I should always fight for what I believe in... it's just too late... and Tyler... I'm sorry I let us down..

Sunday, July 15, 2012

you ARE MY perfect

Perfect really should not be used as often as it is. Perfect is a very strong adjective. Perfect means flawless.. and how many things are truly flawless?
About a year or so ago I made a list of what I wanted my future husband to be. (So 8th grade, right?) Actually, it was a lot of fun. It was even more fun, and very surprising, when I found my list in human form. Six foot, two years older than I, facial hair... LOL I was absolutely amazed. I was even more surprised when I found not only all my "wanted" physical features, but everything inside that mattered as well.. All in the same person!! I was absolutely astonished! I believed myself to be the luckiest girl in the world!
.....and I was. I had everything I wanted in my arms when I fell asleep and snoring right there next to me when I woke up.
Everything he did was perfect. Kiss, giggle, watch TV, be my card partner, listen to me, be there for me, walk in Wal-Mart, dress, make me feel like I was the best thing to happen to him..
I have no wonders why he became my best friend. We clicked so well... He was everything I wanted. I had the list to prove it.
And I still have the list, and I still want him..way more than I did before I knew my list came in human.
He is my perfect.

To Everything I hope I didn't Lose

"This is gunna be the hardest thing I have to do, is get over you."
I'm feeling that too. You were my absolute best friend and laughing with you is the hardest thing to remember.
How do I get over someone who meant everything to me? How do I get over you when you were the one helping me get over everything else..? I am stumped, I don't know what to do.
I think about you constantly.. not that that was unusual, but now the constant thinking is bringing tears.
You know.. I've gone through this whole "break-up" thing before, and I never wanted to do it again. I never thought it would come to this.. but I'm not completely sure anyone does when they break-up. Break-up sounds like such an amateur word for what we had.
I wonder what you think about when you think about me now.. I think about looking at engagement rings, and when we went to the Animal Shelter to get Zanie, and of course.. I think about that very first night we went out.
December 8th 2011 will always be one of the most memorable days of my life.. I finally got the chance to meet this cute guy I had been crushing on... I can't imagine having a stronger bond with anyone within the first hour of meeting. The way I opened up to you so quickly and the way you listened to every word I had to say. I knew I wanted to be with you, and I knew I loved you..even though I had no idea how.
You became everything great in my life. I always looked forward to seeing you or talking to you. C'mon now.. I was a great student, and leaving school early for a boy... you were so very special. I couldn't get enough of you.
My heart hurts Tyler.. it hurts so bad. And I know yours does as well, and I could never be more sorry for that. I told you I would get better..and I was working on it.. Everything just came at me so fast here lately, my emotions got the best of me and I stopped realizing how much I had in you. You always were there for me, how could I think you didn't care?
I am sorry I hurt you. You don't deserve it. You deserve to laugh and love everyday, and I would love to be that one you share all the special moments with again someday.
I am sorry I hit you.... and embarrassed. I can't believe I did that.. I guess that just goes to show that how you are brought up really does have a huge impact on you, even if you are strong through it all. But it's not an excuse....
I am sorry I stopped appreciating you. That is what has led us to this. And I can not blame anyone but myself. I use to appreciate every little thing that happened to me because I was so grateful. I took you for granted, I am finally admitting. That will never happen again, no matter who I love in life they will never be taken for granted. God puts great people in our life- we should cherish those people. You were always there for me and I should have said "thank you" every single time. I got so use to you being there for me that I forgot why you were there for me. Because YOU DID CARE.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

For Tyler

Today I was asked why I wanted to be with you.... and I answered. But you deserve a better one... and I know that. It is very embarrassing to stutter when trying to answer such an important, serious question.

It's very true that I feel extremely selfish when I answer, "I want to be with you because you make me happy.." But it's really so much more than that. I love seeing you smile.. you smile is something I look forward to every morning when I wake up. I anticipate 3:15 Monday-Friday (well, most days;) just to see you smile. You know, I LOVE to see people smile (I wanna make teeth pretty!) but you're smile is incredibly precious to me. Because, usually when someone is smiling, they are happy.I love the thought that I put your smile on your face because you are happy when we are together.
I want to be with you because I trust you. And I'm sure 98% of people would say I trust you too much- but like we care what people think...psshh!;) I've told you, I don't want to depend on anyone when I am older. I want to be able to take care of myself. I've seen too much failing living with someone very dependent.. But, there is no one else in the world I would rather depend on. And though I'm not going to, I know if I needed to, I could depend on you. I know you will there for me.
I want to be with you because you believe in me. I am very ambitious, but you have given me that little nudge to believe that if I want to go to Louisville, I will. You seem to have a lot of faith in me.
I think the biggest reason I want to be with you is also the most selfish reason..
I want to be with you because you are EXACTLY what I want. You are EXACTLY who I imagine spending my time with. I don't think you are understanding yet.... EXACTLY!!!!! I am not at all exaggerating this..
From top to bottom. You are exactly who I want to be with..